Jimmy had his end of first cycle checkup on Wednesday. He gained 7 pounds in a little over a week, which is caused by the Prednisone. The nurses stated that he could continue to gain weight this way throughout the coming weeks. It will be interesting to see Jimmy with a little bit of weight on his body, he has always been tall and thin. Well, up to age two, because then he resembled a Buddha~super cute :)
The doctor stated that since Jimmy is so thin, he will have more problems with body and joint pain from one of the chemo drugs. It typically causes more aches and pain when there isn't as much body fat.
A couple of the side affects Jimmy is dealing with have come on a little too soon, usually kids don't get throat pain and mouth sores until the 2nd cycle. Dr Dole said that this will probably mean that his symptoms will progress and cause him more trouble during the coming weeks. Hopefully, Jimmy will prove them wrong.
Jimmy has lost a large portion of his hair, a couple of minor bald spots, but mostly just a rapid thinning. Especially on the side he sleeps on and where he wears his Turtle Beach headphones for playing Xbox. He isn't happy about losing his hair by any means, but so far he hasn't gotten upset about it. Whereas every time I notice more gone, my heart sinks.
I think that when God gives you a child and you are granted motherhood, it should allow you the ability to take away a child's pain. It's so hard to love someone so much and not be able to fix it. When Jimmy was little, he used to think I could do anything. He thought I could make everything alright with a kiss and a band aid, I so wish I could do that now. Now he knows that I can't magically banish this sickness in his body, but he know things that are realistic. He knows I will be with him the whole way through. He knows I will be sitting in the infusion room while he gets chemo. He knows that I will be with him when he gets poked, scanned, and scrutinized. He knows that I will be here for him when he needs me~for food runs, to listen to him talk, answer his questions, protect him, be attentive to his treatments, and when the time comes, shave his head. All these things, I do because I love him more than anything, he is so much a part of who I am. He is my son, my child. I am a flawed, imperfect person and I have made many mistakes in my life, but Jimmy is the one thing I did that was perfect.
God's love is perfect. He doesn't make mistakes. You are His child. He didn't make a mistake when He made you. If I, as an imperfect person, love my son as much as I do, imagine how much God loves you. If I feel as connected as I do to my son, imagine how much God feels connected to you. He knows all, He sees all, He knows the pain you are in, the guilt and suffering you feel and also the joys. He wants to be with you in all of it. What are you waiting for? All you have to do is ask...
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